Watching like Nobody's Watching

Art Direction - Maria Taraszova & Karin Sarkizova Photography - Karin Sarkizova
HMUA - Oliver McSorley
Model - Anasta Fo

The woman as a secret; an inner life borne out of defense against the performance of the everyday. Watching yourself like nobody’s watching. With this series, we wanted to reckon with the learned theatre of an upbringing situated within the spectrum of womanhood. Co-opting the haunting stillness of the photographic medium, we set out to portray an inside-out take on the classic montage of a woman getting ready for a first date. Taking our subject through the stages of “getting ready”, we aimed to reflect the tense process of whipping oneself into palatability.

The beginning of “getting ready” is always in the bathroom. Here, the angular shapes of a nude back clunk up the frame; the whole self is too vast for it not to become awkward at some point. Anticipating that moment in her future encounter, she watches herself through the mirrors like a hawk. The hair hanging separately next to her - a reminder that her body is never just her own. Perfecting her appearance at this point is the only placeholder for being known. The window frame cuts off her body like a verdict: she does not fit, and any attempts only fuel further disconnect between the whole and the knowable. Even better than being surveilled, as women- leaning people, we are experts at surveilling ourselves.

In processing a more expansive understanding of gender roles through queerness, we are first able to explore the abyss beyond the expected. As queer immigrants from Eastern European countries that lag far behind the West in terms of the zeitgeist on misogyny and homophobia, working with a fellow Russian immigrant model was essential to us. The subcutaneous truth of what lies beneath the constant self-flagellation imposed by a patriarchal relic was felt on set, and addressed with love and care in the in between.

We chose to show the premeditated unraveling of the self through the latter shots within the series. As the date preparations proceed, our heroine ends up in a cycle of self-sabotage, determined to regain control of her narrative by sabotaging the pre-planned plot. We find her in the kitchen, tucking into a meal and ruining her dress. Then, we see her in the living room; a perfect image. Her curls crystalline within the dusty apartment air and the cherry in her mouth as her perfect playmate. The overly-composed shots, the balanced colour, and the saccharine attitude about the whole thing - all screams a reality created out of nothing, but the ambition to escape.

In her leopard gown, her cakey makeup, her cherries and the mischief in her eyes - she is created, by herself, for the Her that is always watching. At least she knows her audience.

Karin Sarkizova is shortlisted for the British Photography Awards 2023 with the photograph ‘Stillness’ from this series. If you resonate with the work, and wish to support, please go and vote for them HERE. This sort of platform and recognition can make such an impact on up and coming photographers’ careers, so please consider placing your vote (it’s free!) and supporting!